Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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