Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
