ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
