I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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