I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
