I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
