I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
