No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
