M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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