I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
