is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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