Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
