I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
