Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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