true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
