ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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