why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
