Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
