Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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