My Higher Power is John Stamos
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Someone signed my nipple.
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