Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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