you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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