Got a toothbrush?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
