If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
