You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
