Can i not drive my cunt home
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
