I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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