Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
