You just made me feel so damn special
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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