I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
