We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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