Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
