arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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