I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize