I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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