The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
