Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
