when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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