My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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