anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
