New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
