you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
