omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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