Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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