The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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