I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
