Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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