so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if only i could text you this smell
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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