Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
