take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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