im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
