He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
