Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He passed out mid-signature
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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