She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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