Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
