OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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