1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
