My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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