No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
