I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
