I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She announced her abortion via fbk
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
