fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
