What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
