idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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