He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize