Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
