We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
