god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
