today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize