just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize