Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
