I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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