WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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