You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
