I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize