made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
