overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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