The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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