i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
