I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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