Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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