my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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