the day after is always just damage control
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
