My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
