you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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