Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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