All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
