I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
