Where are you?
In a non slutty way
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
