Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
