Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
