just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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