It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
