I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
