the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
