I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
