Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
