I wannas sexs uuuuu
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
