The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize