No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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